Jingle Ballin': A History of Hip Hop Christmas Songs
"Ho Ho Hoes," "Lock Up Fo' Xmas," "Santa's a Fat Bitch" and other hip-hop holiday classics
In the realm of holiday hip-hop there's little doubt that Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis" is king. What many folks may not realize is that it is only one of many holiday-themed rap songs that have come out over the years. In fact, there's a little something for everybody, no matter what genre of hip-hop you may enjoy. There's hood Christmas music, booty Christmas music, even horrorcore Christmas music. In other words, there's no reason for your holiday office party to be so damned lame.
For aficionados of East Coast hood rap the Dipset crew has provided not one, but two CDs of holiday classics (and yes, I'm using the word "classics" as loosely as possible). First there was 2006's A Dipset Xmas by Jim Jones. This album was half holiday cheer (again, I'm using words loosely) and half regular Diplomats tracks. So whether you wanted to be "Ballin on Xmas," or simply hear the remix of "We Fly High," this CD provides it. The crew followed up A Dipset Xmas with A Tribute to Bad Santa, released last month. Who would have thought Harlem's purple parka–wearing gangsters would have such an affection for Dec. 25?
If East Coast gangsterisms aren't your idea of holiday cheer, let's go down south (in more ways than one), where Luke, of Miami's 2 Live Crew, released Christmas at Luke's Sex Shop in 1994. With songs like "Ho Ho Hoes" or "Christmas Spliff," I'd wager that this is the only Christmas album you can get a table dance to. The clean version of the CD, which was filled with totally different songs, was called Christmas at Luke's House, but honestly, who shops for clean Luke CDs?
At that same time, in a different part of the South, Master P was just a struggling entrepreneur with an upstart label. The man who would eventually make a nation say "uhh," released with his group, West Coast Bad Boyz, an EP titled High Fo' Xmas in 1994. There was limited distribution of the EP in their native New Orleans, and for those lucky enough to find it anywhere today, it usually goes for $30 to $50. The title track alone tells you where things are headed on this one, but in addition to "High Fo' Xmas" there's also "Lock Up Fo' Xmas." I'm guessing the latter can cause one to long for the former.
The hood doesn't have a stranglehold on holiday hip-hop, though. Horrorcore aficionados can take heart in knowing that the Insane Clown Posse have penned holiday classics for everyone's — or perhaps just someone's — enjoyment. Once again in 1994 (which shall heretofore be referred to as "The Year Christmas Got Gangsta") ICP released a four song EP titled A Carnival Christmas. In 1997 the EP was reissued, but with only two of the songs, the heartwarming "Santa's a Fat Bitch," and the violent fairytale "Red Christmas," which culminates with Violent J getting shot by old St. Nick himself! Forget giving out lumps of coal, this Santa's dealing in buckshot and you better do all you can to stay off his "naughty" list.
Finally, you had to know I wasn't going to let the current underground scene take a backseat during this holiday season. This is where Chaz Kangas (www.myspace.com/chazraps) comes in. Chaz, an emcee originally from Minnesota but who now calls New York City home, has brought listeners not one, but two Christmas classics. In 2006 he released "A Chaz Kangas Christmas," which featured startlingly accurate lyrics about sitcom Christmas specials, ranging from Full House to South Park, and a hook that borrowed a line from the Methods of Mayhem song "Get Naked." Last year Chaz followed it up with "2 Girls 1 Christmas," which was, of course, named after the scat porn Internet sensation "2 Girls 1 Cup." Most people wouldn't put scat porn and the birth of Jesus anywhere near each other. Thankfully, Chaz Kangas isn't most people. Come to think of it, when I saw that video for the first time my reaction was "Jesus Christ!"
